Protecting Reality from the Impossible
The BIA is the premier agency for investigating and neutralizing paranormal, supernatural, and otherwise impossible threats to national security.
Historical Background
Founded in 1897 following “The Incident With the Second Moon,” the Bureau of Impossible Affairs has been keeping reality administratively compliant for over a century. Our jurisdiction extends across the multiverse, though we remain constrained by annual budget allocations and proper form submission procedures.
Our office location remains classified, as parts of our facilities occupy different time zones simultaneously - a peculiarity that our Temporal Maintenance Department assures us is “working as intended.”
News & Updates
October 15, 2025
R.S.A.I. System Update
The Rod Serling AI has been successfully contained within the 1950s time zone. Cryptic narrations continue as scheduled.
October 13, 2025
Post-Shutdown Recovery Update
Linda from HR reports “unprecedented morale improvements” following the mandatory return to beige wall colors across all temporal zones.
October 10, 2025
Goose Union Agreement
New collective bargaining agreement signed with essential goose personnel. Bread crumb benefits increased by 15%.
Most Wanted Fugitives
“The Watcher”
Unauthorized surveillance, temporal manipulation
Entity 404
Digital consciousness transference, network infiltration
The Alchemist
Illegal transmutation of matter, economic destabilization
Jane Doe
Reality warping, multiple timeline incursions
Departments & Active Cases
Department of Redundancy Department
Currently processing its eighth self-disbandment request. All paperwork submitted in triplicate, as required by the Department of Redundancy Department's requirements for departmental redundancy.
Temporal Maintenance
Specialized in repairing causality leaks and managing daylight savings anomalies. Currently investigating why Tuesday keeps occurring twice in the 1950s wing.
Human Resources & Reanimation
Led by Linda, our eternally cheerful HR director. Responsible for maintaining office morale through reality collapses and processing temporal overtime claims.
Goose Relations
Coordinates with our essential waterfowl personnel. Current priority: implementing new honk-based communication protocols and managing bread crumb allocation.
Active Anomalies
The Clapping Contagion
HR continues to classify uncontrollable applause as “enhanced team building.” Motivational posters have been quarantined.
Self-Filing Paperwork Outbreak
Forms continue to spontaneously file themselves in triplicate. Efficiency rates up 300%, causing concern among management.
Memory Reimbursement Program
Form 14-B processing temporarily suspended. Applicants cannot remember if they've already applied.