Freedom of Impossible Information Act

About FIIA

The Freedom of Impossible Information Act (FIIA) grants the public the right to request access to records from the Bureau of Impossible Affairs, except when the records are retroactively classified or exist in a quantum state of being both classified and unclassified simultaneously.

How to Submit a Request

To submit a FIIA request, please ensure:

  • Your request exists in at least three parallel timelines
  • All forms are filed in triplicate (including copies from alternate dimensions)
  • You have obtained temporal clearance for past/future document access
  • Request forms are properly authenticated by essential goose personnel

Important Notice

Some records may be unavailable due to temporal paradoxes, quantum uncertainty, or being checked out by your future self. The Bureau cannot guarantee the existence or non-existence of any requested documents until they are directly observed.

Processing Times

Current average processing times:

  • Simple Requests: 20 business days ± 3 years
  • Complex Requests: ∞ business days
  • Paradox-Related Requests: Already completed next week